MANnequin

You knew this day would come. She's returned home from shopping and you spy a men's boutique bag amongst the hot pink, sequins and glitter. Like an assassin with a concealed weapon she pulls out a shirt that she saw and thought you would look handsome in. Careful with your response now. Tribal patterns are very in right now after all. Let's be honest the warning signs were there. That other couple you went out with that amounted to little more than a play-date for you and the other manfriend. It was as if they treated you and him like two pets they were hoping would get along. But this...abomination....dressing you....you have become a MANnequin.

Let's not jump to conclusions though. She's not trying to change you. It is very normal after a few years to let your pride in appearance slip a little. You're days of pea-cocking are long gone. The skinny jeans don't fit anymore. But you liked it and put a ring on it (metaphorically of course). The chase is over. You were a wild stallion that claimed his mate. You could not be tamed. Look at you now. You donkey, you. Unfortunately sweatpants, tracksuits and jerseys just won't cut it every day. You've got to put a bit of dressing on the cake. She feels you are taking her for granted.

But do not fret manfriend. It is not too late to stop this nightmare adult dress up scenario from taking place. Let's work with what we know.

A decent pair of jeans is a good start. Now of course these are normally expensive and I know the economy, the economy, broke without a hope and all that but there are other ways. Urban Outfitters have a great sale section that regularly have good quality Levi's and Wrangler jeans at very cheap prices. You could also venture into new territory and go all Indiana Jones in a pair of chinos. It is up to you whether or not three quarter lengths are appropriate however it is rarely acceptable for man to expose his ankles. Let's stick to our big boy pants shall we?

Next we come to shirts. Now, I know they chafe your nipples as you've learnt what the word moobs means but a stylish wife beater or vest will keep you abreast of the problem. You can take off the shirt at points in the day and look gangster. 99 problems but a friend ain't one. Maybe not. Both check and tartan are good choices. Every man should have a lumberjack shirt in his closet. A jumper is a great way to hide a dirty or creased shirt. I'll leave it up to you whether or not to go sleeveless.

There are a number of options when it comes to jackets and coats. A stylish mac should you have a mystery to solve or a naval lapel jacket in case you hear the sea calling you. You can get away with a tracksuit top with your club's crest when tastefully worn with jeans. Just don't make a suit of it or you'll have to shorten your first name and add an 'o' to the end of it.

Finally we come to the brogues. Now it is alleged that women make judgements fast and loose of a man by little more than his shoes. Converse are an easy choice along with a colourful pair of Adidas or Nike. Boots seem to be very much in at the moment. Perhaps women are dressing they're men like Johnny Depp because the hipsters are all kitted out like pirates these days.

If you achieve this manformation that gaudy shirt she bought you will gather dust on a lonely hanger in your wardrobe and the prospect of wearing it will be about as real as Narnia. Well done, you are master of your own apparel manfriend!